I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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