Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
