I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
