I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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