I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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