You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
