Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
