Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
