Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Panties = found
Randomize
