My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
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It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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