i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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