The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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