dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
