Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
