the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
