I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize