My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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