this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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