she looked like the before picture.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
