after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
