you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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