Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize