i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
