I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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