No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She's better-looking with the mask on.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
