Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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