you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
