I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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