I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
