I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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