I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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