So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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