so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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