part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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