I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
