I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
