"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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