Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
