for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
