I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
