Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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