My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
