never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
