Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
