You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
