I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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