Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
