So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
