He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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