You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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