i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
