These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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