I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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