I think im going to throw up on grandma
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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