I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
