Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
