it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
