I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He felt like a one man threesome
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
