I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
