unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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