just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
