He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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