operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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