I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
