in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
