we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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