What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
